tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56806129327647082192024-03-07T21:16:40.081-08:00Can anyone tell me what did the Caspian see?Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08758259707661920903noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680612932764708219.post-38955165500808655932009-06-17T09:31:00.000-07:002009-06-17T11:36:41.923-07:00The Goof goes to Ahmedabad - Adieu ChennaiAh! So tis my last night in Chennai for many more nights to come. After 23 years of haunting the conservative Chennai and being a prominent pest at home and outside, the good old fate has conspired to get self shifted temporarily to Ahmedabad. And well,to anyone who generally is well versed with my ability to get into the soup often, it sure would come as a surprise that self has been asked to present myself as a student at the IIM Ahmedabad. <br />I mean, today self went to visit my school where teachers generally remember me for the wrong reasons like 'the boy who made another drink orange paint calling it juice' or 'the fellow who came late for a public examination' or 'the fellow who asked preposterous doubts'. And at school I chanced to meet my library teacher who still evokes a shudder in me. She is generally know to treat even fellows who looked like wrestlers with the utmost disdain, discarding them like snapped rubber bands. She had somehow got wind of the IIM A thing and on seeing me, she immediately began a tirade. The following conversation (or rather, monologue) ensued:-<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Library Ma'am (LM):</span> :- Such a shame! I dont know ever of a miser like you. Got into IIM A and no sweets? HMPH! Shameless fellow!<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Self</span> Err.. Uh Oh! I forgot that bit Ma'am. <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">LM</span>:- Whoever gave you an IIM seat! Shows lunacy is spreading to all places! I am just not able to think of you as a manager seriously managing and being a corporate honcho and all! I am sure the IIM A thing was a fluke!<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Self</span>:- Err... Umm...I d agree ma'am. I had four calls and converted none other than this. Even I think it really is a fluke.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">LM</span>(Hitting her forehead):- Aiyoo!! Such a hopeless fellow you are! A total lamb! Is this not the time for you to assert yourself and proudly say "I got in because of merit" and heave up your chest? Those fellows in IIM A will mark you as easy prey I am sure!<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Self</span>(thinking):-Now whatever I say, she will find a way to call me hopeless. Better to let it be...<br /><br />After this, she wished me all the best and stuff and we parted on the same cheery terms as we always were wont to be in. But the point here is, she sure was baffled about the admit thing.<br /><br />Now well, since this event has occurred, self has packed up the bags (mom had a hard time getting me to pack) and in another eight hours or so is going to be bundled in a train bound for western India. A new city awaits my arrival and soon, it will be a place where self would probably be unwittingly unleashing chaos, mayhem, pandemonium and all those sorts of noisy things. <br />One feels rather strange when one leaves a city to go to another place after twenty three years spent in one place. A sense of permanency unknowingly steals over you if you have stayed that long. Kind of you begin to think you can understand the finer feelings of the guano-decked statue that has been around a street for a long time. Now it almost feels like how it felt when I was toddling with an ill-fitting uniform into the LKG class and felt the teacher was the most hideous creature I had ever seen. <br />One however, should shine with optimism and dismiss such doubts as someone sure must have said (No matter even if he has popped off and probably only looks down from a portrait these days). So away self goes to hop on in the IIM A campus and generally continue my topping form as a prominent pest and a blot in a neat page. <br />The next time self publishes here would mostly be from the campus. Adios Chennai!! I love you and will strive to prove that I am indeed a 'Pachcha Tamilian' (err...palakkad tamilian) at Ahmedabad!<br />Cheerio<br />:-)Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08758259707661920903noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680612932764708219.post-28107787835860542012009-05-23T03:58:00.000-07:002009-05-25T09:31:23.442-07:00The goof’s Kho Kho chronicles – A tale of the mindless kind<meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> 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0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-size:10.0pt; mso-ansi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="">Looking back at what can be safely called an eventful existence; self spots quite a few blots. One of the more prominent splotches among them should definitely be self’s experiences playing the game of kho kho – a rather complicated game of Indian origin. In fact a more accurate expression would be<span style=""> </span>- ‘self’s experiences not playing the game of<span style=""> </span>kho kho when I was supposed to be playing it’ rather than ‘self’s experiences playing the game of<span style=""> </span>kho kho’. For well…more than three quarters of my kho kho playing days were spent by self wondering what I should be doing at that instant in the kho kho field.</span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal" ><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> 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5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> </p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="">Let me begin by trying to put the facts squarely – the rules of the game as self saw it. 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Literally all boys and girls in class played it. And well, they all seemed to know how to play the game unlike self who probably missed the class when the game was explained by the harassed PT teacher due to a bout of fever or something. So when we sat there in that line self described, it was all mysterious to self. All the people sitting in the line were yelling about asking the runner to give them the ‘kho’ as if they would then go about and win the game in seconds for the team. And the runner generally never paid heed to these poor screamers. He just ran about until he/she felt tired. As for the people who we were supposed to be catching, well, to this day self does not know what they were doing in the rectangle and how some of them actually managed to get themselves actually caught. And once the game was over, all of them went about blaming someone else for the defeat (and when we won, they said something like– “If not for me and my great earth-saving efforts, our team would now be boiling in oil” with a mannerism that would have put a prouder version of the generally earth-saving to utmost shame). 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mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="">Forty minutes later, self’s entire team were bawling at self for running for the whole time not giving any of them a chance and in addition to it, causing us to lose them game easily. Not that self ever felt guilty or anything – self was more like – “Ah! Now I have demonstrated to them how baffling it was to me all these days just sitting in the sun wondering what they did. That should teach them to give me a ‘kho’ occasionally too!”<o:p></o:p></span></p><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: arial;font-family:";font-size:85%;" ></span><p style="font-family: arial;"></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal" ><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> 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Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-size:10.0pt; mso-ansi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> </p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="">Self neber got picked for the next 2-3 games but that is another matter..........
<br /></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="">However, my most enduring memory of playing kho kho actually does not involve a gaffe by self. By the time self came to class 5, self had established a reputation as a decent khk kho player – and self even started scolding people for making mistakes – some usually called me a snob but they were just jealous……<o:p></o:p></span></p> <meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> 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0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-size:10.0pt; mso-ansi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="">Anyway, there was this girl called Vijayashree. S. Menon (who incidentally works in cognizant) who generally would give a tortoise a very tight competition in a slow-running race. But of course, to yell at her for committing a mistake usually amounted to suicide. One fellow who had done so before ended up with a biff on his head with her extremely heavy school bag and another girl had the experience of a sock in the face – a veritable adversary Vijayashree. S. 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mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="">But one day, in a game where she walked instead of ran and never passed a ‘kho’, self became what you can call pipped, and when self was pipped, not even Vijayashree. 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mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><b style=""><i style=""><span style="">Vijayashree</span></i></b><i style=""><span style="">: You think I don’t want our team to win?<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><b style=""><i style=""><span style="">Self</span></i></b><i style=""><span style=""> (now nervous): Why did you run slowly if you wanted our team to win then?<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><b style=""><i style=""><span 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mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="">I must admit I was literally stumped back then. It was genuinely me turn to look goggle eyed. Self was left wondering how we lost despite her brilliant explanation. No one knew what to say! And Vijayashree never biffed anyone after that day and neither did she play Kho Kho. 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mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Soon after, self shifted schools to a Boy’s school which worshipped cricket and football and self’s days of gaffeing playing Kho Kho came to an end<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Cheerio
<br /></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal">:-)
<br /><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="">
<br /></span><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<br /><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: arial;font-family:";font-size:11;" ></span><p style="font-family: arial;"></p>Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08758259707661920903noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680612932764708219.post-84345522590894713552009-05-08T04:07:00.000-07:002009-05-08T04:16:11.728-07:00The perpetual predicament of a Joke-teller<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKRISHNAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" 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1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >One may have been in a couple of rather tight spots over the course of one’s being but seldom in a tighter spot than the fellow who good naturedly announces – “I am going to make you laugh with a few jokes” to the audience and bounds to the dais in cheerful anticipation that the audience is going to clutch their tummies in a desperate attempt to stop laughing at his umm……’jokes’. To fellows like self – who have never been able to ever understand the ruddy purpose of these things they formally call ‘jokes’ and publish in a corner marked ‘JOKES’ (or fancy words to that effect) in a magazine of some sort, the chap who announced that he was going to make the audience laugh could have found no surer way of committing suicide if probably you exclude the option of him asking our friends at the Taliban to shave their beards and educate the girl child. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Well….for instance….assume you were part of a gathering and are rather bored at the happenings, especially so at the antics of the fellow wearing a grotesque salwar-kameez-like thing who keeps behaving as if he were gifted to womenfolk<span style=""> </span>by the lord god and thus making a priced ass of himself. And then suddenly another fellow announces – “I am going to tickle you with jokes” and begins thus:-<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >‘A fellow had a dog by name paddy which he loved. One day, when he went to school….the dog died. His mom was scared about how he would take it. So, when he came home :-<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Mom: <i style="">Err..Son! Paddy died while you were in school.<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Son: <i style="">Oh!! Ok mom!! Fine…let me go do my homework.<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Mom: <i style="">Ok son! (thinks):Phew!! He took it well!<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Later in the evening:-<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Son: <i style="">Mom! Where is my dog Paddy?<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Mom: <i style="">Didn’t I tell you it died when you came back from school??<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Son: <i style="">Oh! I thought it was daddy who died and not paddy!!’ </i></span><span style=";font-family:";" >(And the bally narrator goes- “HA HA HA” )<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >And after this outright ghastly tale, if the bounder grins about at the audience expecting laughter and thunderous applause, I am sure you would feel pipped. Of course, not a whimper would probably escape the crowd which would be regaled with more such ghastly tales by the fellow until he gives up probably thinking “This crowd has no taste for good jokes! Humph!”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >You see what I mean? It is a rummy thing actually – that not one of the so-called jokes make the fellow who read it laugh. In fact if I remember correctly…self was always perturbed in the younger days when self read jokes from the magazines. The reason – self never could laugh at any of them, not a single one! And the jokes all had cartoons depicting a fellow grinning rather in an ape-ish sort of manner drawn by some talented cartoonist no doubt. And self began to worry that self was a serious fellow and had no umm….’sense of humour’ and thus sought to consciously develop same. For instance…self would try my hardest to read each joke and try to see if I had missed something (which I discovered was very very often) and then…after self had spotted what self missed from the joke – I tried to imagine the joke…and tried hard to picture it in a funny situation – with dim success alright. Self kind of did all I could to laugh at the jokes but even with my dogged determination to laugh at them…many a time self failed. And in a bid to try and develop the sense of humour (which self thought was laughing at these jokes) self read out these jokes to all those who cared to listen and then kind of tried to artificially laugh at them. Like once when my brother was in a grumpy mood after having punctured yet another tennis ball, self crept up to him and in a bid to develop my ‘sense of humour’ <span style=""> </span>as well as cheer him up, read him a joke:-<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Self: <i style="">Anna (</i>yeah!! Self is a gem who calls my bro ‘Anna’)<i style=""> What is the difference between a storm cloud and a child being spanked?<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Bro: <i style="">U leave me alone! Alas! The ball is no more (sulks)<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Self: <i style="">Tell me anna!! This will surely make you laugh!<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Bro: <i style="">LEAVE ME ALONE!!<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Self: <i style="">Anna just this once! Tell me what is the difference between a storm cloud and a child being spanked?<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Bro: (impatiently): <i style="">OK! I don’t know! What is that difference??<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Self (In my most showman like manner): <i style="">One pours with rain while the other roars with pain!! HA HA HA (</i>I must admit I was trying hard to laugh in a bid to cheer my ol’ bro up but he wasn’t exactly umm…co-operating and what happened after this is not something self generally wishes to remember)<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >I did this sort of thing everywhere, to develop the ‘humour sense’ and thus get laughing about daily. So in school, when visitors came to the house, when we played gully cricket<span style=""> </span>- at all such times self was recounting these jokes self had read in magazines like ‘champak’, ‘gokulam’ etc. Soon, people who knew self started looking at me as a sort of fellow who is on the fringes of lunacy. I mean…..I sure do understand that attitude now – for well…If any of you had a cousin who laughed like a hyena after saying something like “<i style="">What did one grape say to another??</i>” and then said “<i style="">Nothing!! Grapes don’t talk! Ha ha ha</i>”, it is but understandable that you rather think that it was long overdue that his parents showed the cousin to the brain specialist.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >And well…this kind of thing hounded self right through college as well…..and it led to most painful episodes. Once during a particularly stupor-inducing class, the lecturer who herself looked rather like a sleepy bovine decided that she needed to gee up the class a bit and suddenly asked – “Who tells good jokes here?” to which my friend Sesha - <span style=""> </span>the fellow sitting next to self pointed at me. And self, not really having a clear idea of what was asked in the first place, rose up rather doubtfully when she said – “Come! Tell these people some jokes!”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >It is not often that one realizes that he has landed in hot soup when he has just landed in it. It takes some time to sink in but that day, self knew that self was trapped. This was the sort of lecturer you didn’t say no to. She was one who would take the thing as a personal insult and well…..with the already hopeless internal marks self was going to get coupled with the fact that self had planned to ask this teacher to get my record work attested in spite of its grossly late submission, it wasn’t exactly a time to play the refusing Joe. And knowing that the class was inhabited by chaps of spirit who if considerably worked up could began hurling things at the poor soul telling jokes, self began what I thought was a good one – about a little fellow who was born and right from the age when he could talk, asked only for a yellow ball and a red ball as gifts from his dad for all his achievements through school, college, work, marriage and stuff – a wish his dad unquestioningly fulfilled every time. But tragedy strikes in the form of an accident and he is in his deathbed and demands a yellow ball and a red ball as a final gift. His dad asks for the reason for that choice all these years and before he reveals the reason, the fellow dies. It is a rather longish tale self admits but one that can be skillfully told with detailed descriptions of every exam he wrote - and maybe the subjects of the exams as well if possible. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >But alas! The lecturer stopped self midway, took attendance and fled the place and the chaps of spirit self mentioned earlier chased self away from recounting what could have been an engrossing tale. It was after this genuinely perplexing experience that self stopped developing the ‘humour sense’.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >And now that we are on the subject, self thinks that the ‘comedy shows’ on television definitely warrant a mention here. I mean…..for instance there was this chap called Shekar Suman who kept on babbling gibberish of the worst order – things like “<i style="">Banta Singh was a MA before a BA as he - a divorcee married and hence was Married Again (MA), divorced and thus was Bachelor Again(BA)” </i><span style=""> </span>punctuated with a most irksome sound of people laughing in the background. What I don’t understand is –why is that laughter included? Is it to indicate to the viewers that they are supposed to guffaw at that instant? Or is it to indicate that Mr. Shekar Suman has just completed a joke and has moved on to his next howler? Then why call it a comedy show at all if the people can’t laugh themselves? And who really writes all those things at which people are supposed to laugh (at the risk of being labeled mentally negligible)?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >All said and done…self has just one thing to say – the next time you have an urge to regale a gathering with ‘jokes’, for god’s sake stamp yourself in the foot with nailed boots and hope never to get that impulse again…for most probably you would be making an ass of yourself and generally upsetting the amiability of a peace-and-quiet loving audience.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Cheerio<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >:-D (and err....can someone temme how to put a smiley in this thing??self has been missing that trick for a long time now)<o:p></o:p></span></p> Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08758259707661920903noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680612932764708219.post-3062436006372454362009-04-25T02:16:00.000-07:002009-04-25T02:50:38.055-07:00An attempt at revival - Kickstarting the externalWell......Its actually been like 10 months before that self posted a err...post here and it really does not take much analysis to see that this space has rather been neglected and has kind of died, become buried and has been rather mummified in such a way that even the best embalmer in ancient egypt would become jealous of self for doing such a clean, complete job out of it.<br /><br />And the reason has generally been that self kind of chose to post all the gobbledgygook self wrote in the internal blogging system of the place where I work( now dont go "WORK!! AND YOU?" and kind of gape like you saw a Cockroach and a lizard pair performing a waltz..its real bad manners I tell you and some things need to be kept secret after all :-P).<br /><br />But of course since my days in Cognizant (the place where I err...ahem..work) are officially numbered now, self has decided that the time has come to get this place a bit alive and kicking ("why should something alive generally kick?" is something that has struck me - anyone knows?) - by kickstarting, prodding, Jabbing with a spear if necessary and all such means by which one tries to bring to life a chap who looks like he were a flying fish which forgot to get back to water and hence looked silly.<br /><br />"Well - Since the people at cognizant are going to be relieved of your torture shortly,why here?" you may ask. Or in fact you may not ask it also...but well, the reason is Blogging is something self rather liked doing at cognizant and so plans to continue it here. And also - (now this is gonna be senti - so please go "Awwww!!") I must admit that leaving Cognizant and CH1 - its internal blogging system sure will leave a rather empty feeling - a big void where an extremely enjoyable aspect of life in the last year and a half was and it will (I believe and sincerely hope) help me stay in touch with the many wonderful friends I have made in ch1 over the past year. (If any of you ch1-ers say "No! Dont!" I just say ":-P :-P " to you and plan to badger you with increased vehemence.<br /><br />I really hope and would try my best to gurgle nonsense and anecdotes from my rather botched up and loopy existence frequently here. And given this ability of mine to goof up and get into trouble - an ability which I can only call kind of incredible...I am sure there would be enough popycock to spew out here at least once a week.<br /><br />So well...so long until the next post :-)Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08758259707661920903noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680612932764708219.post-74671636646625921282008-06-22T11:12:00.000-07:002008-06-22T11:14:17.363-07:00The group ‘discourses’ on disposes (the satire attempt continues…)<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Scene</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">: Our “group” comprising the Scientist, the Politico, the Businessman, the Atheist, the Fatalist and the Goof are now comfortably settled down in the porch of the businessman’s palatial guesthouse where they are spending the weekend. The sea is in the background….a rather placid and calm sea. All are drinking tea accompanied by the assorted snacks one generally ingests along with tea. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Mmmm” it was the politico. He was enjoying his biscuit dipped and drenched in tea. He had had it that way since his early days as a poor political worker when he was known to subsist on just a cup of “Nair” tea and 4 butter biscuits. The businessman flinched, not used to seeing that sort of “yucky thing” to put it in his words. The politico, paying no heed however, polishes off the remaining biscuits…totally unmindful of leaving some for the others. And as he was wont to do, carelessly throws off the plastic wrappers.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“It is because of people like you I must say, that we are living in a highly garbage filled place” began the scientist.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“True. Absolutely true” agreed the businessman. When it came to blaming someone, the businessman almost always agreed with the blamer. It was a trait the politico secretly admired.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Now you aren’t much better either” said the scientist acidly turning to the businessman who now wore an expression which can be best explained as a mixture of irritation, puzzlement and guilt. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The fatalist, always a man for a discussion, as he calls an ugly, ill-tempered argument jutted in “Now, can you explain that? How do you say that our friend here is equally responsible for the garbage infestation of our place?” he said, pointing to the businessman who by now was having second thoughts about the merits of being a genial host.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“TEA PLEASE” yelled the politico suddenly. The atheist duly fulfilled the demand. His attention then turned to the argument at hand.<span style=""> </span>“Every one of us here is responsible. The garbage we generate is now turning to be massive and quite unmanageable!!” he said. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Blame it on modernity!!Bah!! The dark underbelly of modern life!! We are all doomed!!” The scientist said a bit vehemently. He then continued “It is all because of the plastics!!They are the bane!! Just where do we throw away that dirty trash called plastic?? It just does not disappear like paper or jute!! It stays implacable! And we add more day by day!! Where do they all GO?” he thundered. The politico just gaped at the scientist’s excited and quivering face blankly.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Well, Now I see where he comes in” interjected the goof pointing to the businessman. “I was wondering how he could have helped litter the land him always being such a stickler for cleanliness. Now I see the connection” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“What connection?” both the businessman and the fatalist simultaneously asked. The former asked it a bit agitated and the latter with a satisfied smile pleased mainly because that he was fuelling an argument. That he was doing it mainly against his hapless host was an extra bonus. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Our friend here is a clean chap. He does his business well, Keeps his office premises clean, and makes his employees do the same too.” said the Goof.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The scientist interrupted rudely, eager to put in the point before the goof “But well, WHERE does he dump all the waste he generates?? He keeps his office clean!! Agreed! But after cleaning his office premises, does he care about WHERE the garbage is being sent to? Where it is being dumped? All his plastic wrappers which cover the stale processed food his employees so eagerly eat after a few minutes in the microwave thinking it is good food!! All the wasted food!! All the paper plates and soft drink cans!! Does he ever know what is happening to them??” <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The goof, pretty upset that the scientist stole his point of view relapsed into a brooding silence. It wasn’t very often when he came up with something intellectual and to have the scientist steal it from him was all the more frustrating.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Err…they are sent for recycling. I know they are…The contractor tells me that!!” said the businessman. His comportment however suggested that he had no idea and the fatalist, impeccably infallible in this sort of thing immediately caught his uncertainty.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Now if the contractor just arranges for all that waste to be dumped into some huge marsh would you know?” <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“That is not my responsibility is it? Why should I bother about that? I have outsourced the job of dumping the waste to the contractor and I pay him for it don’t I?” responded the businessman now edgily.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You pay the contractor not for dumping the wastes but dumping the wastes RESPONSIBLY” yelled the Atheist. He had reached that excited state quite suddenly and all knew it was better not to oppose him when he was in that mood. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“AND, you should not make your employees keep the premises clean alone. You should encourage them to behave in a less ‘littering’ and ‘dumping’ fashion! You UNDERSTAND!!!” the atheist was in his peak now. Even the scientist dared not to cross him. Religious leaders had been known to wilt when he was like that.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“But well, is he supposed to run a business and ensure his employees are happy too or go about advicing them like a Pastor?” the fatalist now took up the businessman’s case. He just loved doing this – fuelling arguments from both sides and creating confusion all the while. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“His employees are educated anyway! So they should know better.” The goof blurted. And he settled back to drink his now cold tea.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“And YET” bawled the scientist, for he so wanted to be the guy who had the attention “those very ‘<i style="">educated</i>’ employees end up creating so much garbage!! That’s how it will be if each one thinks that just his extra plastic or paper cup won’t make a difference.”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The businessman breathed more easily now. For the blame was now drifting away from his direction to the general public and when that happened, the problem was never going to be solved. For he knew that no one, not even the pretty powerful politico could tell the public that they were wrong and ask them to correct themselves. The public simply ignored such statements and voted him out of power in the next elections if that happened. If the argument went this way, He‘d not be asked to bring about a change in his business policies. Not that he would listen anyway. But now at least he wasn’t being held responsible.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Ah!! Plastics are a bane!! But how do we stop their use” asked the businessman in an attempt to divert the topic further. And he was good at it too. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Use Paper!” said the fatalist in a matter-of-fact tone.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“The solution is not so easy!” said the scientist “If we were to stop using plastics, we may need to use lots and lots of paper. And what would that mean?”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“What?” the goof asked. This was now getting a bit too hazy for his limited mental abilities.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“OF COURSE!! It would mean we would denude our remaining paltry forests in triple quick time!!!” the atheist said not feebly.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Recycle paper then!” put forth the businessman. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“We need to use lots of fuel and electricity to recycle paper you know that?” said the scientist in the tone he used when he was confident about the subject he was talking on.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“It looks like we are going down the drain anyway!! The price we need to pay for our modernity is now hitting us hard so late not very much unlike credit card debts!! There is no turning back eh?” the goof said quickly lest someone else stole his lines. He was happy that he said something intelligent finally.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">All of them sat in a rather gloomy silence. The goof had spoken what looked like an uncomfortable truth. And nothing could seemingly be done about it too. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“He” said the scientist pointing to the politico “can be the only person who can save this situation.” The businessman mentally appreciated the ease with which he delegated responsibilities without shouldering them at all.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The politico nodded, eyes closing and opening. He was smiling at them all too. They all seemed to get a ray of hope from seeing him so optimistic.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You seem to have thought of something?” asked the atheist eagerly. The others were eager too, for it was a very rare occurrence when a politico actually came up with an idea that solved a problem.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">The politico nodded faster. And he was smiling wider too. His manner had acquired a new radiance. To the five, he seemed to become the great leader he claimed he was.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“WHAT IS YOUR IDEA? TELL US NOW!!” bellowed the fatalist getting up and moving towards the politico. He couldn’t take the suspense any longer. The businessman was secretly worried that the he might be asked to do something. All the others were waiting with bated breath too. (Each for his own reasons)<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“<span style="text-transform: uppercase;">Wait a minute</span>!!!” he politico said to the Fatalist rather a bit loudly. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then he looked at the others and saw that they were all eagerly looking at him too. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">He then methodically proceeded to remove the small black earphones from his ears, folded the wires and bared his palm to reveal the ipod the businessman had presented him and which he used to listen to music during the assembly proceedings. He had grown rather fond of it. He then placed them safely in his shirt pocket.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You people were discussing something?” <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; line-height: normal;" align="center"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">*************************************************************<o:p></o:p></span></p>Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08758259707661920903noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680612932764708219.post-33101370381596968542008-05-12T08:30:00.000-07:002008-05-12T08:34:25.442-07:00The Group ‘warms up’ – My first attempt at satire<p class="MsoNormal">Characters: 1) The Scientist</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>2) The Fatalist</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>3) The Politico</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>4) The Businessman</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>5) The Atheist and </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>6) The Goof.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The characters all go by their pre-defined stereotypes and hence the exercise of describing each in detail has been avoided (Skillfully - presumes the author, </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Lazily- Opines a friend.) </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The six are friends who know each other by way of being members of the same club.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Scene: </b>It’s a hot sultry afternoon – typical of a Chennai summer. The six are gathered at the scientist’s place of dwelling in the ‘hall’ – an Indian equivalent of the western drawing room and generally a place for general use in Indian households. Sweat is brimming from the eyebrows of the businessman – always used to air- conditioning.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Switch on the AC, will you? I am almost taking a bath in my own sweat here old boy!” the Businessman said.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I shall do so right away” the Goof got up and reached for the remote.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“NO” bellowed the scientist. “No one behaves unecologically in my place. I shall NOT allow such a thing. ”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The Politico, hand hitting the forehead, turned to the fatalist and whispered “See! I told you lets not meet up at any place other than our club. Now see this idiot behaving in this eccentric manner here. If it was the club, we could have ignored the chap and his ramblings. Now I can’t see what is in store for us in the next 2 hours” </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The fatalist, always a man interested in what he calls a discussion but is in actuality an ugly argument addresses the Scientist “Hey, now why would turning on the AC be considered an unecological practice? Can you convince our little gathering on that one?” and the fatalist smiles. He thinks he has spoken very smartly here.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Hey can you get us the can of juice please. It is in the refrigerator.” said the scientist to the Atheist who by now is on the point of dozing off. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The atheist sits up suddenly, broken from his comforting reverie and mumbles “with pleasure” before he turns to accomplish the mission he was entrusted with.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“The AC working contributes to heating up the environment. And being a responsible scientist, I shall not allow of that here.” </p> <p class="MsoNormal">“But today’s AC’s are not bad for the ozone at all. Being a businessman in this line, I have checked out that for a fact.” The businessman continued. ”Those were the ACs of the last decade.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I am not talking about the ozone here. ACs generally contribute a lot to heating up the environment. As you all know, an AC cools a room. But where does it dispose of all the heat from the room? In the outer ENVIRONMENT” Blared the scientist dramatically. He was shaking uncontrollably with excitement.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Man, should you have started this? Now he is losing it completely. Next he will blame me. You just see. He loves blaming everything on me” the politico continued whispering to the fatalist.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The fatalist, happy that he had started an argument where he could irritate his opponents with his views ignored the politico and continued “Can you elaborate your point of view. There may be something in it which I fail to see eye on eye.” He was pleased with himself for having excited the scientist to dangerous levels. The scientist’s beard was quavering.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“An AC cools a small volume but heats up a larger volume of outer air for the same. And the transfer of heat can never be 100% efficient. So it has to heat up a larger volume of outer air to cool the room. And where does all this heat go? It stays in the atmosphere. It can’t get to outer space. And to run the AC, we use electricity the generation of which needs heat and subsequently heats up the atmosphere. So, when more ACs function in the already hot summer, the air gets heated up more. Do you understand THAT” he was screaming now.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Juice” bleated an inane voice. It was the atheist. He was back from his mission carrying a tray with six glasses and a can of apple juice. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The group drank juice in silence as each comprehended the weight of what the scientist had just said.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I say” it was the Goof asking innocently “If you are so against the use of ACs, why do you have one fixed in each room of your house? I really can’t understand that”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Ah! Point” the politico slapped his thigh and smiled just like he mostly did in the parliament. With the people in parliament these days, he either dozed off or listened to music in the house during session from his new I-pod the businessman had graciously gifted him (for just a signature in some request for permission he did not know of.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">He hated the sessions. No use for him.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The scientist was now getting angrier than ever. It was impossible to educate such callous fools as these five. “That is for the house. My wife and kids would not let me brood in peace if the house wasn’t air conditioned. I never wanted to do it. But the pressures of domestic life won. Anyway, I do not use it at all. It’s only my wife and kids. Now that they have gone to my native place for the summer, the ACs are never switched on.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Talk about having something and not using it. What a fool!”<span style=""> </span>the Politico muttered under his breath.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This angered the scientist even more. “YOU!!” he thundered (spreading spit in the room and into the juice glasses) pointing to the poor politico.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I knew it! If I stay quiet for like 5 minutes all these so called learned intellectuals pick on me” said the politico silently to the fatalist.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>“YOU are the main reason for this disarray. You must educate people on global warming. You must tell the rich to stop using Powerful ACs that heat up the place. What will the poor man on the street do? He cannot afford an AC as such and he now has to live in even more heat the rich generate so that they can stay cool!! Do YOU (spit shower again) UNDERSTAND THAT!! And now we burn up fuel which sends in CO2, and generates heat…we are in effect heating up the entire atmosphere so that one day we will be unable to live in it any longer. All this global warming is due to the games the arrogant rich play. Them, their ACs, their cars, their generators…everything heats up the environment. And YOU must stop it!! ” The scientist’s voice was the only thing the group felt of now.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Aw!! My wife and kids don’t listen to me much like yours, and you expect the people to listen to me? The people always want more of all good and less punishment for all their bad deeds. The balance is so skewed against us politicos that we get blamed for everything. What about the businessman here? Is he not responsible for this too?” retorted the Politico (one appreciates how easily he turned attention away from himself)</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The businessman quipped quickly (and wittily he thought, but only the goof laughed and all knew that the goof’s idea of comedy was swatting a mosquito and missing it) “Look, my aim is to do business. I bring money in. why should I bother about anything else as long as I do my task? Do I become responsible for doing my task or not doing it?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The fatalist jutted in “whatever sins we do, we will repent for it sooner or later. We do not care about leaving a better world for our children but do we realize that we ourselves might be reborn into the mess we created? What shall happen then? If we are born poor then and today’s poor guy is born rich then, do we have a choice?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The atheist had quietly gulped down two glasses of juice (flavoured with the scientist’s spit droplets) and got up saying “excuse me; I need to go to the bathroom.” No one noticed his presence anyway.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The politico was stunned at the Fatalist’s turnaround. He hadn’t seen anything like it in his entire political career (there wasn’t much of it, but that’s another story).</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“The bottomline is” continued the scientist “that today, it is hotter in this place because the heat is something we ourselves have gifted ourselves. Is it not ironical that we need more powerful ACs today because we used ACs before this?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The question was too much of an intellectual one for all of them. Even the scientist was gaping wondering how he had come up with a question worded so intelligently.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The politico wondered “So what can we do? Tell everyone to stop using ACs? They d pelt us with stones you know”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The Businessman, ever ready to make a suggestion responded “We need to educate people on global warming. We can begin by asking them to use electricity sparingly, not use their vehicles with minimal capacity if they can avoid it and such small things.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“For once, that was a good suggestion from you. And unselfish too.” The scientist grinned.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The atheist was back.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Pray,” said the Goof “What took you so long? And I noticed that you took an age to get the juice as well.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I decided that you were having the most boring conversation and decided to switch on the AC in his dining room and relax there for sometime. As for the juice, well when I opened the fridge, it was refreshing. So I spent some time sitting near the open fridge cooling off” the atheist said nonchalantly.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The scientist was cross. He was also out of energy after his tirade and said nothing. He had had no juice. (When he was busy lecturing, his was the atheist’s second glass).</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“All right! Lets meet at the club tomorrow then. We need to be moving” said the businessman.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The goof was the last to leave. “See you tomorrow. Thanks for the wonderful afternoon” he said to the scientist. (he wasn’t lying. He spent the afternoon wondering whether the scientist was mad, where the atheist was, why the juice had a slightly acrid smell to it and many such stuff. So it was a ‘wonder’ful afternoon for him as well)</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">He proceeded towards the doorway.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I say” said the scientist in a subdued voice “just switch on the AC will you. Its been a very hot day.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“With pleasure”</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>***********************************</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Footnotes:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="">1)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->This is an attempt at satire. I do not know how it has turned out. Readers who feel the post is too preachy, boring, crap..etc.. may freely say so in the comments section. Also, do drop in a few words if you felt otherwise too ;-)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="">2)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->All the views expressed here are a result of self’s imagination and some (read most) may also be proved wrong. If that’s the case, please mention it in the comments section. I would like to correct myself.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="">3)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->If this goes down well, this ‘Group’ may appear in future posts when the author feels an itch to write a so-called ‘socially relevant’ post.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Cheerio <span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="">J</span></span> </p>Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08758259707661920903noreply@blogger.com2